Like, Oh My Gawd! Zappa Takes on Valley Girls

Is this song tubular, or grody to the max?

One of the fun things about observing the differences between one decade and the next is the slang that comes around. Some of it lasts a while, some of it vanishes in a heartbeat, and some of it lives on forever in songs, if through no other way. Frank Zappa and his daughter Moon (or Moon Unit) do an excellent take on Valspeak, aka Valley Girl speak, in their 1982 hit, Valley Girl. The song, from Zappa’s album Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Drowning Witch, became his only top 40 hit. Like, fer sure, fer sure.

Moon was 14 when the song was created. Zappa had a riff he wanted to use, and Moon really wanted to work with her dad, so he asked her to talk the way she’d talk to her friends, or so the story goes. Moon came up with phrases she heard at parties and at the mall, and the two cut a record. The radio station KROQ, one of Moon’s favorites at the time, was given a pressing ahead of the album release. With positive public response, the song got ample airplay and the hit was born. Bitchin’!

Here’s the full lyrics to Valley Girl, in case you want to brush up on your Valspeak. Like totally, do it!

VALLEY GIRL

Valley girl
She's a valley girl
Valley girl
She's a valley girl
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a valley girl
In a clothing store
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a

Like, oh my god! (Valley girl)
Like, totally! (Valley girl)
Encino is, like, so bitchin' (Valley girl)
There's, like, the Galleria (Valley girl)
And, like
All these, like, really great shoe stores
I, like, love going into, like, clothing stores and stuff
I, like, buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff
It's, like, so bitchin'
'Cause, like, everybody's like
Super-super nice
It's, like, so bitchin'
Like

On Ventura
There she goes
She just bought some bitchin' clothes
Tosses her head
And flips her hair
She got a whole bunch of nothing in there

Anyway
He goes "Are you into S and M?"
I go, oh, right
Could you, like, just picture me
In a, like, a leather teddy
Yeah, right
Hurt me, hurt me
I'm sure! No way!
He was, like, freaking me out
He called me a beastie
That's 'cause, like
He was totally blitzed
He goes, like, bag your face!
I'm sure!

Valley girl
She's a valley girl
Valley girl
She's a valley girl
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a valley girl
So sweet 'n pure
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a

Really sad (Valley girl)
Like my English teacher
He's like (Valley girl)
He's like Mr. Bu-Fu (Valley girl)
We're talking Lord God King Bu-Fu (Valley girl)
I am so sure
He's, like, so gross
Like, he sits there and
Like, plays with all his rings
And he, like
Flirts with all the guys in the class
It's, like, totally disgusting
I'm like so sure
It's like
Barf me out
Gag me with a spoon!

Last idea to cross her mind
Had something to do with where to find
A pair of jeans to fit her butt
And where to get her toenails cut

So, like
I go into this, like, salon place, y'know
And I wanted, like, to get my toenails done
And the lady, like, goes
"Oh, my god, your toenails are, like, so grody"
It was, like, really embarrassing
She's like
"Oh, my God, like, bag those toenails"
I'm like, "Sure"
She goes
"Uh, I don't know if I can handle this"
Y'know
I was like really embarrassed

Valley girl
She's a valley girl
Valley girl
She's a valley girl
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a valley girl
And there is no cure
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
She's a valley girl
And there is no cure

Like, my mother is, like, a total space cadet (Valley girl)
She, like, makes me do the dishes (Valley girl)
And clean the cat box (Valley girl)
I am sure
That's, like, gross (Valley girl)
Barf out! (Valley girl)
Oh, my God! (Valley girl)
Hi! Uh-huh (Valley girl)
My name?
My name is Ondrya Wolfson (Valley girl)
Uh-huh, that's right, Ondrya (Valley girl)
Uh-huh, I know, it's like (Valley girl)
I do not talk funny, I am sure (Valley girl)
What's'a matter with the way I talk? (Valley girl)
I am a val, I know (Valley girl)
But I live in, like In a really good part of Encino
So it's okay (Valley girl, valley girl)
So, like, I don't know (Valley girl)
I'm, like, freaking out totally (Valley girl)
Oh my God! (Valley girl)
Hi, I have to go to the orthodontist (Valley girl)
I'm getting my braces off, y'know (Valley girl)
But I have to wear a retainer
That's going to be really, like, a total bummer
I'm freaking out
I'm sure
Like, those things that, like, stick in your mouth
They're so gross
You, like, get saliva all over them
But, like, I don't know
It's going to be cool, y'know
You guys might see my smile
It'll be, like, really cool
Except my, like
My teeth are, like, too small
But no biggie
It's so awesome
It's like tubular, y'know
Well, I'm not, like, really ugly or anything
It's just like
I don't know
You know me
I'm, like, into the, like, the clean stuff
Like, Pac-Man
And, like, I don't know
Like, my mother, like
Makes me do the dishes
It's, like, so gross
Like, all the stuff, like
Sticks to the plates
And it's like, it's like
Somebody else's food, y'know
It's like grody
Grody to the max
I'm sure
It's, like, really nauseating
Like, barf out
Gag me with a spoon!
Gross!
I am sure!
Totally!

—

So, what’s your take on it? Gnarly, tubular, rad, bitchin’? Or does it make you want to barf out? It’s definitely a weird song, but I still like hearing it because Valspeak makes me laugh. Fer sher, it’s time to bring it back!